


Drunk and Verbose

by Findarato



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 17:02:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4927837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Findarato/pseuds/Findarato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hijikata's drunk, but he's got Saitou...this is going to end all right. And actually, it does. [set between chapters 8 and 9 of <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/3135947/chapters/6798077">Unsaid</a>. ]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drunk and Verbose

**Author's Note:**

> This is set between chapters 8 and 9 of Unsaid, as I had some ideas that weren't incorporated. Since it's Toshi Day on Oct 4th (thanks to people on twitter informing), I thought I might as well write/post something Hijisai because it's been a while.

_**.** _

_**Drunk and Verbose** _

He shouldn't have gone out tonight, and he shouldn't have gotten drunk. But here he was, trying to walk straight, and he keeps tripping over his shoes while Saitou holds him up.

"I can walk on my own." He must've said this seven times by now.

"No, you can't."

"Just how badly do you wish I was passed out so that you could carry me and not listen to me talking."

"Those are your words, kyokuchou. Not mine."

"It's in your eyes."

"Is it? At the moment it's very dark."

" _Saitou_." Hijikata bites the name and kicks his shoes off. After some fumbling, he manages bend over to pick them up before walking. "I'll be fine."

"I'm not questioning that. I'm questioning…other things."

"Such as?"

"…"

"Just say it. It's not like I'm going to argue."

"Your judgment."

"My judgment, huh." He'd have more to say, but one part of him is lost in alcohol and he doesn't want to drag it away from that. "Would you say it's impaired or released?"

"Released?"

"From its usual restraints. I don't say everything that's on my mind, but right now, I couldn't care less."

"You should save it for when we're back, and not out here where you can be overheard."

"It's not like we can be recognised." They're not in uniforms, nothing to identify them as belonging to any cause. Their only identification were the swords they carried. "But if you really want to make sure no one identifies us, maybe you should use my first name."

"No."

"…it's not a difficult first name."

"Even so, I cannot."

"Is there a reason why?"

Saitou mumbles something he can't fully hear, but it sounds something like "It wouldn't feel right."

"How does it not feel right?"

"It would be as strange as you calling me by my first name."

Hijikata twists one corner of his mouth. "Hajime," he tries.

Saitou looks away, a blush creeping up his neck. Oh. "You tried to say 'Toshizou' before?"

"Once."

"…did Souji put you up for that."

"Yes."

"…did this have to do with that cat?"

Saitou clears his throat. "It might have."

Ah, if Souji were here, Hijikata would chew him out again. But the thought of Saitou trying to say his name isn't a bad one, honestly. Saitou, when he spoke names, could either make it sound like the most reverent thing, or the worst possible curse.

"I'd like to hear it once."

"Perhaps in the future."

Probably never, is what that sentence says. Hijikata shrugs and decides to leave it, and they shuffle on. Sounds filter out from buildings, of a life they could've had but left behind to be samurai and soldiers, the lights poking out from windows and doorways and casting glows on them as they passed them by. It's what he chose, after all. He glances over at Saitou, still supporting him as they walk.

It's rather unfair, he thinks, that Saitou can drink the same amount and him and be barely affected. It's not common knowledge that Hijikata is a lightweight, nor does he out go out often for people to actually discover this. A year, actually, since he actually went out like this. Recuperating is boring, and staying inside makes him pace. He finally went out once Chizuru said he was well enough for that—but only if Saitou went with him.

…well, that was all right. More than all right. Saitou's company is something that he cherishes on many levels and many ways, and this is one of them. There's other reasons, of course. His mind drifts and he allows it to do such, until it latches onto something that makes him think about…things.

He takes his chance when they end up in an alleyway, dark and quiet and the sound of water dripping, to suddenly stop and lean in closer. "Saitou," he breathes out, the taste of sake still in his mouth every time he swallows or inhales, "What if I made you say my first name."

Saitou starts a little and swallows visibly. "It depends on how you make me."

"Maybe like this?" He kisses him, pulling his arm away from Saitou's shoulders in order to reach his hand up and press it to his neck. "Or this?" His other hand drops his shoes in order to find Saitou's hand, and he links their fingers together.

"Kyokuchou, we're _outside_."

"At least drop the title."

"Hijikata-san, I'm not saying you should stop, but we shouldn't be doing this here."

"No? This place is empty."

"Anyone could—"

"Just a little bit." He's actually always wanted to do this, at least once. People joked about dark alleys and secretive trysts and hurried copulating, but they haven't done that. Not outside, anyway. Getting Saitou up against a wall isn't hard, even though his balance still off and he ends up leaning on Saitou more than standing over him, but it works. "Because when is the next time we'd have a chance?"

He does pause, to let Saitou respond. Finally, he feels fingers tightening on his, and the other nodding before kissing back. Pleased, he works his hand though strands hair and combs it as they kiss, until he's dizzy and it's only when Saitou rests one hand on his waist and the other hand on his back, he can figure out up from down. He pushes at where the kimono meets obi, tugging on loose folds that were so much easier than the uniforms they had, until he can slip fingers in and he waits for the moment Saitou breathes into his mouth, for it encourages him to splay his fingers, work them upwards—

The sound of loud footsteps makes them hastily part and pull themselves together, and before he can think about it, Saitou drags him by the hand and he vaguely remembers to pick up his shoes before they're off, hastening in the direction of where they stay. Saitou keeps up the pace, and Hijikata watches the world pass by in a blur of colours and sounds, until Saitou stops and he collides into him.

"My apologies."

"No, it's fine." He rubs his eyes a little. "Better we had some distance." His head seems to pulse, but it doesn't hurt. It just…he feels awake. Alive. Needing something. "Let's go back."

Saitou nods, but he's looking down. "Hijikata-san…"

"What?"

"You're…I'm afraid you need to let go of my hand."

"Oh." He opens his fingers, slowly. "I forgot."

Saitou looks as if he's about to say something, but instead he offers his shoulder. It's strange—one man carrying another is fine, but if they held hands, people would notice. It's not a bad thing, but the problem is if someone recognised them…

Why is that such a small amount of contact could mean so much? He would've liked it, to join their hands and walk at leisure and not be judged. And at the way Saitou breathes through his nose and looks at him, he thinks the same.

The world is weird sometimes, in how relationships go.

**.**

They finally are back, and by then, he's had to put his shoes back on and try to walk without swerving, shoulder pressed to a wall, while Saitou walks behind him. Somehow he manages to poke his head into Chizuru's room and tell her they're back (if he didn't, she would come looking for him and that…well, there would be some explanations), and then he and Saitou are in his room, continuing what they started.

"It could've been nice if hadn't been interrupted."

"Even so, it wasn't bad."

"I don't think I'll regret it in the morning."

"Regret?"

"It wasn't a bad choice. Because—" He presses Saitou against a wall in his arm. "You're worth it, risking that." The little shiver doesn't escape him, as he rubs the back of his hand over Saitou's cheek. "It was worth it."

"I'm glad you think so." Saitou's hand is laid over his, and he stops trying to mess with the knot of his belt. "Thank you."

It's Saitou who manages to unfasten everything, and pull their robes off. The room, Hijikata finds, keeps swaying and after probably his fifth attempt at staying upright, Saitou shakes his head and leads him over to the futon and putting him down.

" _Saitou_."

"I had plans." _Wall plans. Saitou plans_. He nearly laughs at his own thoughts. "You're getting in the way of it."

"It's called adjusting to the situation."

"Is it?" He shoves his pillow away as the other straddles him and he's blinking up at Saitou. "But I don't want to lie down."

"Do you want to sit up?"

"Yes." Sit, because he can't stand. "You should be the one lying down."

Saitou gives him a look he can't read. "Very well."

The world spins and then he's looking down at Saitou.

"Better?"

"Better," he agrees, eyes wandering. "Much better."

This way, he can pretend they're still up against a wall, if he doesn't think too hard about gravity. All the actions he takes now are the same, like sucking on Saitou's throat and feeling him arch and listening to soft intakes of air, and watching the expressions that Saitou doesn't let the rest of world be shared between them.

When Saitou touches him though, it's like his determination falls apart in those hands. He has only a vague thought that this isn't what he was intending, but his knees are straining against tatami and his toes are cramping even as he grips Saitou's shoulders.

"You could've had _me_ against that wall."

"Perhaps." Saitou kisses his collarbone, and Hijikata swears he could feel that mouth curving in a smile. "If you asked…"

"Maybe I should, next time." There's not many people that would dare, or he'd even allow to. Honestly, he doubts few people would approach him for this. He still remembers that even though he first kissed Saitou, Saitou had been the one to take this the next step.

"Why are you good at this," he grumbles, and then sucks in his breath as he shudders. "You're too good at this."

"Because you deserve the best."

"Best?"

" _My_ best. "He's not sure how he manages to keep his knees still, when Saitou looks him in the eye and says that the same moment his fingers trace patterns over sensitive areas and squeeze until he gasps.

"Do I deserve this?"

"Yes."

"I don't think so." He shakes his head. "That time, when I—"

"You already made up for this." Saitou kisses him. "All else is due rewards."

 _I'm sure I could give you more, Saitou. More of me. You deserve my best too._ Hijikata wants to say this, but his instincts are more interested in other things at the moment, like finally adjusting himself so that they're joined and they're finding a rhythm to things. If he had more control over his mind, he'd be telling Saitou that he worried for months and that he thinks Saitou is his equal, and not just a subordinate he's likes, and so many other things.

"I want to you to know."

"Know?"

"Ah…" he said that out loud. "I'll tell you tomorrow." When he can think. Right now, there's other things he's trying to do. "Tomorrow is good, right?"

"Yes, tomorrow is fine. We have things to do now."

"More like you doing _me_." He really had too much to drink, if he's saying shit like that. "Because you're so good at it."

Saitou buries his face against Hijikata's shoulder and makes a sound.

"Now you're laughing at me."

"Only a little."

"Tch." Hijikata tugs lightly on his hair. "Get up; I'm feeling dizzy looking down."

"All right." Saitou pushes himself up on the elbows, and probs himself. "Are you comfortable."

"No." When Saitou starts to apologise, Hijikata cuts himself. "No, not that way. I need…" He blinks. "You to _move_."

Something he'd call a smirk appears on Saitou's face. "Yes, Hijikata-san."

 _Don't you 'Hijikata-san' me,_ he wants to say, but in that moment, Saitou shifts he's left wanting air and more. His fingers scrabble and find a lockhold on shoulders that looked deceptively small sometimes, but held up so much of the Shinsengumi, for him. How many people were blessed with the people that worked under him, that were dedicated and gave their lives to a cause?

He slows a little when he remembers Saitou is now rasetsu like him, a choice made to drive life to its limits. He wished he had known earlier. He wished a lot of things, like maybe pushed his men a little less, kept the yelling to certain limits…but even so, he's proud of all of them.

Saitou traces the side of his face, gaze questioning.

He lifts a shoulder in a shrug. "Thinking."

"Thinking?"

"How you made me proud." He draws his arms up around Saitou and they lose their balance, but he's past caring about positions. "You did so much for me."

"Because you're deserving of it."

_Am I?_

Except tonight, Hijikata doesn't really want to dwell on that. Letting Saitou roll him over and continuing to touch him is preferred, and as the heaviness of what he'd drunk that night pulls him down, he's being led on to different plane, one where he doesn't have to think, or speak, and all he has to do look, and the other knows. If he weren't so damn drunk, he'd reciprocate more too, as opposed to Saitou taking his hand and putting it away because he's forgotten how to use it.

He finishes with his mouth pressed to Saitou's arm, back arching and eyes closed because vertigo and pleasure mixing together makes it a little strange, and it's the hand stroking his back that lets him know where he is. Saitou's teeth bear down on ear as he stiffens and then relaxes, their bodies still pressed against each other.

"This is taking advantage of me. I can't believe it." He turns over now and lies on his back, and looks at the cracks in the wood.

"I shall make amends in the morning."

"No, you won't. You're going to stay here tonight and that can be amends." Just to be sure, he rests his arm across Saitou's torso.

"As you say."

"…I wouldn't mind even if you called me 'Toshi.' Only two people in the Shinsengumi ever did. How does that sound?"

Saitou still shakes his head, but he smiles. "Hijikata-san will be Hijikata-san."

"Good. I wouldn't know what to do if you called me kyokuchou in bed." He stops. "Actually, that could be interesting." He slurs over the last word. "I should stop talking."

"Perhaps."

"I make a terrible drunk. I know it." He runs his fingers through his bangs. "Next time—"

Saitou kisses him, the movement of his body so fluid that he didn't see it coming. "I don't mind," he states as he pulls the blankets over them, "because it's Hijikata-san."

"You're lucky I can't be bothered to yell at you for that." He rubs his forehead; he really can't come up with good retorts when he's not sober, can he. "But thank you, Saitou." His hand strays to Saitou's face again, as it had several times tonight. He'd say more, but that's just about the last complete thought he has when he yawns and puts his head against the crook of Saitou's arm.

"You're welcome." Saitou curls his hand over Hijikata's. "You always are."

**.**

Morning finds him a little less cheerful and his throat too dry, but Saitou has stayed, and Hijikata can't help but look at him, curled up and their fingers still entwined. He remembers all the things he said, but at least it's Saitou who heard them, and not anyone else.

In some ways, he's relieved he said them. This isn't forever, and lately, Saitou has said nothing of staying—or leaving—but he's changed in some ways, and Hijikata is glad for him. They're meant to change, meant to grow, and meant to find their ways.

But to share lives, secrets, and even stupid things like being drunk, with such a person as Saitou, Hijikata is glad for that.

**.end.**


End file.
